Meditative Connection

For over a decade, I've been privileged to work closely with couples, and in the past six years, I've integrated meditation as a powerful tool for healing and reconnection. Through this practice, couples have found solace and healing from disconnection, affair recovery, and emotional and physical detachment.

Often, couples come to me locked in a cycle of fear and defensiveness, viewing each other as adversaries. Women, in particular, frequently express feeling emotionally unsafe. This emotional disconnect often leads to a breakdown in sexual intimacy, leaving men feeling rejected and unwanted.

Individuals experiencing mood swings, sleep disturbances, heightened stress levels, or fluctuations in weight are not uncommon. In response, they might withdraw from physical and emotional intimacy or demand excessive closeness, seeking connection. Even when the desired level of intimacy is achieved, it often proves fleeting, leaving them feeling isolated. The true essence of connection is lost, and sex can inadvertently become a coping mechanism, devoid of genuine emotional resonance.

Irrespective of preferred levels of physical intimacy, a deficit in both physical and emotional closeness can leave individuals disconnected from both themselves and their partners. Physical touch, for many, serves as a balm to soothe the stresses of everyday life.

In the midst of life's many stressors, it's easy to overlook the pervasive tension our bodies carry. Notice the tightness in your neck and shoulders or the clenching of your jaw - all telltale signs of pent-up stress. It's crucial to learn the art of release, to let go of control, and to shift from a vigilant state in our heads to a grounded presence in our bodies. This shift facilitates a deeper, healing form of love.

Meditation emerges as a potent ally in nurturing connection and intimacy. A robust bond strengthens a relationship's resilience, carrying it through the toughest of times. Couples who meditate together find that their hearts open up in profound ways, forging a more profound connection. The practice often extends the lifespan of relationships due to the deepened connection it fosters.

Our bodies house a wealth of emotions and memories, both joyful and painful. When under stress, some of us withdraw, seeking solace in solitude. For many, however, this isn't a genuine reset but rather a numbing out through distractions like television. On the flip side, some seek physical touch, seeking solace in sex and intimacy. Yet, this may not always lead to a genuine release of tension; it can easily become another form of distraction or numbing.

In the midst of differing needs for restoration, how can a couple find common ground? Through meditation, they can learn to soothe one another, creating a shared space of healing. Dr. Janice Kiecolt-Glaser's extensive research reveals that meditation yields manifold benefits for couples. It reduces stress levels, paving the way for deeper intimacy. Moreover, it amplifies positive emotions, strengthening the emotional bond.

Through practices like Eye Gazing, Heart Meditation, and more, couples can delve into profound states of meditation, discovering unexpected avenues of connection. This shared journey in stillness not only deepens intimacy but also lays the foundation for enduring partnership.

I typically start with teaching the basics, Eye Gazing.

Let’s give it a try.  Sit across from your partner, knees touching or as close as possible. Set a time for 3 minutes. Take several deep breathes, long inhalations and slow exhalations. Gaze into each other’s eyes. No laughing, no talking, no fidgeting. Continue to breathe deeply. Try to present for the entire 3 minutes. 

Notice what you tell yourself. Notice the vulnerability that shows up. Notice is it easy to hold their gaze or difficult? Do you want to look away? Notice your breath. Continue to breathe deeply. Be present in your body. Focus on what you want to feel with your partner. What loving message would you like your partner to hear from you? Focus on that message and imagine you can send that message energetically through your eyes. Our eyes say a lot. There is power in the look.

When the timer goes off, kiss and consider sharing with each other something you noticed during the eye gazing. Now we are sharing a vulnerable thought and emotion. When we share vulnerabilities with our partners this creates connection. This simple Eye Gazing exercise is just one of many meditative practices I teach to clients. Having a daily ritual of Eye Gazing or other meditation can greatly increase the connection, closeness, intimacy, trust, and respect in a relationship; and who can’t benefit from that?

"The eyes are the window to the soul"