Ponderings

In this life, it often feels like no matter what I'm doing, I question whether I'm doing the right thing. I'm a woman who has been single for many years, and most of the time, I very much enjoy the freedom of being single. For example, I love kayaking, and when I want to paddle, I do. When I feel like letting my kayak drift and go wherever it wants, even if it takes me into the bushes, I just let go. Kayaking, for me, is a way to exercise, but more importantly, it allows me to bask in the sun, be on the water, and let my thoughts flow freely.

Speaking of thoughts, there are times when I'm out kayaking with no thoughts at all, just enjoying the serene experience. However, there are days like today when I'm deep in thought and in the mood to write. This is something I couldn't do if I were kayaking with someone else, as I'd either be engaged in conversation or feel obliged to talk to them.

Recently, energy workers have been telling me that I'm blocked creatively, but I don't necessarily feel that way. I have all kinds of creative thoughts; I just struggle to put them into action. There's also a part of me that wonders if I should socialize more often, as one energy worker referred to me as a hermit. This got me thinking about societal expectations around alone time and socializing.

It seems that when someone spends a lot of time alone, they are encouraged to socialize more, while someone who is constantly out and about, always seeking company, is encouraged to spend time alone in solitude. I'm always curious how society can have contrasting expectations for different individuals based on their personalities and preferences. We all need balance in our lives and finding that balance can be challenging.

On a personal level, I want to teach my classes to a wider audience without being fake. I don't resonate with the glamorous lifestyle; I prefer elegance with a touch of rock 'n' roll. I've invited people to kayak with me, but they declined. However, I still spend quality time with my loved ones, so I'm not completely avoiding social interactions.

Floating and meditating in my kayak, I decided to reflect on forgiveness. I forgive myself for not having all the answers, for failing at times, and for not always seeking the right help when needed. I also forgive myself for not putting enough energy into certain aspects of my business, like creating products or writing books. At this point in life, I just want to enjoy kayaking and create content that I'm passionate about.

I accept myself for who I am—an individual who enjoys spending time alone. But I also acknowledge my need for touch and companionship, which I miss sometimes. I am open to love and envision my ideal partner coming into my life when the time is right. Until then, I'm determined to focus on my business, grow my classes, and bring my knowledge to others.

As I float down the river, basking in the sun and peace of nature, I feel so content and grateful. I trust the universe to guide me on my path, and I desire to have speaking engagements and teach classes for men to foster sensitivity and confidence in their relationships with women. These are the things I'm eager and enthusiastic to research and focus on.