Lessons in Motherhood

This weeks' blog post is dedicated to my wonderful daughter, Karisma Rain. Having you in my life brings me immense joy and I am forever grateful. You're not only one of my best friends but also a wonderful daughter to your momma. 

Reflecting on my journey as a parent, I acknowledge that I wasn't perfect. Rain, in her candid way, often reminds me of this. She keeps me honest, holding up a mirror to my moments of anger and selfishness. She lets me know what I missed, and when work took precedence over family, she spoke up. I cherish her for that.

I dedicated many years to building my practice, striving to be the best mom I could be, though I didn't always get it right. My focus wasn't always solely on them, but my intention was always to provide them with everything they needed, and a little extra. My daughters might tell you I spoiled them a bit and made them a little bit bougie. I'm perfectly fine with that. My mother used to say I raised each of them as if they were the only child, and that was deliberate. I wanted them all to feel deeply loved, and I understood that the same approach wouldn't work for each one. In my eyes, my daughters were my partners in life. We cooked together, planned together, and I always factored them into major life decisions. More often than not, they came before friends, romantic partners, and other people—perhaps not always before my career.

We learned from each other, respecting each person's idiosyncrasies. It seemed like everyone in our household had some sensory sensitivity, and together, we worked to make everyone feel at ease. I realize Rain may have been overlooked at times. She wasn't as vocal about her needs or desires. She didn't always allow herself to ask for much, even when I was offering. She's reserved like that.

My kids taught me that it's possible to love more than one person deeply. They showed me how some people silence themselves to avoid making others uncomfortable, and that anger often masks deeper emotions. They taught me that anxious people may not always be rational, and that not everything is about me. It's okay to be a little selfish at times. They emphasized the importance of listening over always having a solution, and that even the most seemingly honest people can tell a lie.

A mother truly needs eyes in the back of her head. Tone of voice can reveal a wealth of emotions and should never be used as a weapon against someone's feelings. Reacting impulsively is rarely the best course of action. Playing the victim often perpetuates a cycle of victimhood. They showed me that people might not always ask for what they need in a relationship out of fear of being a burden or causing conflict.

Rain, you've taught me that silence doesn't always equate to contentment or happiness. When I work with couples, I often draw on the dynamics of parenting to illuminate aspects of their relationship. In many ways, managing a relationship with my children isn't all that different from my adult relationships. I treat my kids with the same level of respect as I would any adult. Happy Birthday, my dear Karisma Rain Danker! You are a cherished light in my life.