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Embracing Your Desires

Charity Danker • 6 December 2023

“Ultimately, it is the desire, not the desired, that we love.”

Thinking about small, pleasurable desires is a bit of a struggle for me most of the time.


My academic work mind has me in work and productivity mode often. So today I challenged myself to tap into fun, juicy desires. After a few hours of contemplation. I decided I needed to be near the water and in the sun. This would allow me to fully be in my body and seek true desire. The always-present desire to be near water and in the sun was heavy on my heart. The water and sun ground me, and allow me to open, to be fully present in my body and sensual desires.


I found myself at the lake with my sound bowls and yoga mat. To my delight, there was a flock of white pelicans on the water. Finding the perfect spot in the sun, I settled in to play the sound bowls for the birds. The vibration of the bowels seeped into my body, traveling from my ears to my sex. As I continued to play my body moved in a circular motion and came alive. Suddenly the aches and sinus congestion seemed to clear. I felt energized with a sense of joy. The sun-kissed my skin, warming me from the chill and wind, and I was happily lost in the sound and sensation of the moment. A reminder to play the bowels for myself more often as they always fill me with delight and help to invigorate my mind and body. I came alive and my desires became clear.


I desire fun with friends. I desire to dance and spin around being in my silliness. I desire to go zip lining soon. I desire to explore an adults-only resort with a partner or solo. I desire to feel orgasm roll through me over and over. I desire to be on the receiving end of oral sex for a solid hour. I desire a pedicure and a new beautifully, artistically crafted pair of shoes. I desire to feel desired for all of me. I desire ease. I desire to teach to the masses soon. I desire to always remember the beauty of life. I desire to seek out more connections. I desire the spring to return. I desire the spring to return. I desire the spring to return. I love the spring, new life and possibilities.


I realize that over the years, my fear of running into clients or past clients has held me back from indulging in the erotic lifestyle I once had. In suppressing this desire and limiting my field of play I have lost the sensual part of me that inspired my work in the first place. I see now that my deepest desire is to find my way back to her, without jeopardizing my career. This is something I know I can achieve. As I finish out 2023, I will reflect on the moments where I truly let go, lived fully in my pleasure, and will let her guide me into 2024.

Sacrifice

by Charity Danker • 28 March 2024
As a relationship therapist and coach, I often encounter stories from both men and women who feel victimized by their partners. While some cases involve genuine harm, many examples revolve around self-imposed sacrifices—acts made without the other person even requesting them. I frequently hear about unspoken truths and unexpressed desires. Women often use the word “sacrifice”, claiming they’ve given up so much for their partners. However, when asked whether their partner explicitly requested these sacrifices, they usually admit that no such request was made. In reality, their partners didn’t deny their desires; the women denied themselves. They chose to: Reduce contact with friends to prioritize family time. Forego careers or education due to perceived limitations. Avoid playing favorite songs because of their partner’s preferences. Why do we interpret someone's dislike of our choices as a mandate to change our entire lives? Some women inadvertently limit themselves based on others' preferences and then blame those others. Here’s the truth; no one forces you to change–you made that choice. As mothers, we must indeed need to be loving, attentive, nurturing, and supportive. However, this does not mean sacrificing our individuality. Our music, clothing, and entertainment preferences are a part of who we are. Let’s reject the notion that being a good parent requires suppressing our truest selves.

Embrace Your Inner Goddess

by Charity Danker • 6 March 2024
As we celebrate International Women's Day, it's the perfect time to reflect on the incredible strength, resilience, and beauty that resides within each and every one of us. Today, we honor the women who came before us, paving the way for our rights and freedoms, and we celebrate the women who stand beside us, forging paths of empowerment and inspiration. In the spirit of this momentous occasion, I invite you to embark on a journey of self-discovery and empowerment – a journey that will awaken your inner goddess and unleash the boundless power that lies within you. Too often, we find ourselves stifled by societal expectations and the pressures of everyday life. We suppress our desires, silence our voices, and dim our light in fear of judgment or rejection. But now, my dear sisters, it's time to reclaim our power and embrace our true selves unapologetically. In our world of endless distractions and noise, it's easy to lose sight of who we are and what we truly desire. But deep within each of us lies a sacred wellspring of wisdom and intuition – our inner goddess – waiting to be awakened and heard. On April 17th, I will begin my 12-week online women's course. Here, we will work together to learn to speak your deepest desires, embrace your sensuality, and reclaim your power with courage and grace. So, my dear sisters, I urge you to seize this moment and embrace the goddess within you. Let your light shine brightly and your voice be heard. Together, we can create a world where every woman feels empowered to live her truth and express her desires freely. Join me on this empowering journey and awaken the goddess within. Together, we will rise.

Love Means Learning to Embrace

by Charity Danker • 28 February 2024
The Misconception of Love: Why Demanding Change from Your Partner is Not the Answer
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